The entire cancer experience seems to have been distilled into the last few days. A dear friend of mine called, diagnosed with throat cancer after I was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer. He has completed chemo and radiation. He did not have to have surgery; just had his second PET scan and is now in remission. He spoke with me during my 6 days in the hospital and he said,” I do not dwell on the past, the pain, the treatment, the fear; I now feel empowered to go forward and do anything.” We, who have had the diagnosis of cancer, have truly been in the belly of the furnace,and if we are in remission, we know we have walked with God.
Last Monday, I was lopsided. In remission, but lopsided. I had a constant and inconvenient reminder of the fight I had been through. I knew I had to embrace this as I embraced my new sparse and sticky hair or go for surgery. More surgery, more doctors, more pain. Maybe, if I were single, I might have chosen to embrace this asymmetry. I am not single.
Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice in the wife of your youth.
As a loving hind and a graceful doe,
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
Be exhilarated always with her love. Proverbs 5:18-19 New American Standard
I am the wife of my husband’s youth. We have been married 36 years. The asymmetry, along with the radiation scarring was difficult and painful for him. We could not go to our future with this between us.
My husband has been faithful, prayerful, believing for my healing. He has taken off from work; then worked, cooked, cleaned and nursed me, all at the same time. My husband has never complained about me being bald, gaining weight or being lopsided. He has only said that to look at the radiation scarring caused him pain.
One doctor said that he should be grateful that I was alive. And he was. That doctor was a woman, and she forgot that the first thing out of my husbands mouth, when she said they were going to take my breast was and ” You ARE going to put it back?”
So, Dr. Saint Cyr did the miracle that the woman surgeon could not do, and took all the fat and skin off my belly and made me a new breast. I look like a badly sewed rag doll at present. Something you might find on the Wal-Mart toy isle under “Monster High”, except for the senior hair, wrinkles and age spots!
In the last 7 days I have experienced the nausea of chemo, the unreal feel of waking from surgery, the burning and itching of radiation. Of course the nausea was not from chemo, but the pain medicine, I did have a 6 hour surgery, and the burning and itching was the skin waking up from being stitched together. But all of this is for the future, the future of symmetry.
My niece asked a question on Facebook, the question was, “Which is better?… For you to love a woman because she is beautiful, or for her to become beautiful because you love her?”
I want to thank every single person who prayed for me. I know it is and will make a difference in the outcome.
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